2023 was a year of stretching beyond belief. I decided at the end of 2022 my word would be “Release” and true to form I took it seriously. I released many toxic tendencies such as my incessant self criticism (thank you therapy). With that I released the notion of perfection. Not only did I release it, I have a fondness for and may have even begun to deeply love imperfection. It is in the imperfections of my messy home, ever-changing schedules, and physical appearance that my joy in motherhood was found.
I’ve always prided myself in keeping a tidy and cozy home. It is core priority for me because a messy and cluttered environment triggers my anxiety. But this year I began seeing the little messes, like unfolded laundry, piles of dishes, and strewn about toys differently. The undone laundry meant more time cuddling and playing with my son. The piles of dishes were remnants of meals spent with my husband. The toys all about were evidence of a healthy, active, and curious little boy. My untidy home now housed a family of three living life each and every day. It is our safe place and sanctuary, but that doesn’t mean it must always be perfectly ordered and pristine.
Relinquishing my perfectly timed schedule was a bit harder to let go of. I thrive off of productivity and efficiency (my inner anti-capitalist hates to admit), but those are less possible with an infant in the way I previously understood them. Keeping a schedule was hard, and maximizing my days with many activites/errand/chores as I used to is impossible. Now productivity looks like taking care of my family’s basic needs without loosing my shit. It’s spending hours watching my son master a new skill and swelling with pride over it. Efficiency is hacking my day-to-day so it passes with ease. Gone are the days of being out the door on time and getting all my life admin done in an afternoon. Now I need to triage what is one thing I can accomplish today and feel great if that gets done (and come to peace if it doesn’t).
After a lot of reflection on 2023, my word of 2024 came to me quickly and with very little thought.
I considered what has been lacking in all the new abundance and learning of this year and the first thing that came to mind was romance. Don’t get me wrong, this year has been overflowing with love from myself, my partner, family, and friends. But romance has been in short supply. Romance with my husband, thats a given. Finding time to be just the two of us not exhausted and not discussing the baby is a monumental effort, but one we have been making more and more often. But also romancing myself as been lacking. Being a new mom leaves very little energy and effort for oneself and thats something I must address.
I read a definition of romance that described it as a feeling of excitement or remoteness from everyday life. It made me think of all the small ways I would add romance to my days pre-baby. Like trying a new cafe or treating myself to a massage. Lounging at home doing all the self care things like face masks, manicures, and hair treatments. Buying myself flowers and making arrangements to liven up my home. These are all romantic gestures I can give myself.
Here’s to more romance in the big and small ways in 2024. Wishing you so much love and joy in the new year as well <3